Playing With Fire
by JanieEvangeline
Summary: Susan Wooding's life as she knew it is over - she's pregnant. As she falls deeper and deeper into turmoil, she comes running into the arms of a certain unexpecting Draco Malfoy...who will do anything to keep his own secrets safe.
1. One: Chocolate Frogs

**Chapter One - Chocolate Frogs**

"I'm sorry, Miss Wooding, but I have nothing to say other than the truth. All of the blood tests came back, and there's no other explanation for the way they were. The symptoms you described to me match up perfectly with the results. You're pregnant."

In my entire life, I had never been as scared as I was in that moment.

It had all begun innocently in the summer, when _he'd _moved in next door. I remembered the moment he'd formally introduced himself to me as clearly as if it were yesterday.

"_You could borrow my old Nimbus 2001, if you fancy a game."_

Those words started it all. I looked up from where I was carving stick figures in the dirt and saw him standing above me, his head blocking the sun and a broomstick in his hand. There was half of a Chocolate Frog hanging out of his mouth, and when he caught me examining it, he pulled another one out of his pocket and handed it to me.

It was love at first sweet, sweet bite.

His name was Cormac McLaggen, and I got to know him during the two months before our seventh year at Hogwarts began. He was, to me, one of the most incredible people I'd ever met. Sure, he had some faults, but the stars in my eyes were too big for me to see them. He was a great kisser, funny, and always managed to make me feel wanted - beautiful, even. From that first day, he was always there, with open arms for me to curl and a story to tell. Most of the time, he talked about his many amazing feats, and I loved to watch his lips curl over two rows of pearly white teeth as he spoke. It was Quidditch he told of and Quidditch we bonded over, with him alert at the goal posts we set up in his backyard and me trying not to fall off of the broom I always used.

We spent every moment we could together. I told him my secrets and that I loved him, and things moved quickly from there. He asked me to be his girlfriend, "officially," and I accepted. It went from brushing tongues on his balcony after everyone went to sleep to him leading me into his bedroom on my seventeenth birthday. I was stupid, I was reckless, and I was in a state of bliss during every moment.

I had stayed feeling that way until now, as I clutched the sheet on the cot closer to me and watched Madam Pomfrey told a student not to come into the infirmary right now because all he had was a tiny cut on his arm.

This could not be happening. Not to me.

What was I supposed to do? I was only seventeen. I wasn't ready to take care of a baby; sometimes, I could hardly take care of myself. I still had things I needed to do with my life before settling down with a family. I wanted to spend time with my friends and get an excellent career, but a baby would ruin all of that. And what about school? The year had begun just a month ago, and I didn't know if I would be able to finish up the year. Were pregnant women even allowed at Hogwarts? And what would people do when they found out? Would I be shunned, lose my friends? Would my position as Head Girl be removed? Head Girls were supposed to be role models, supposed to help the younger students succeed, but nobody would look up to me in this condition.

Even another pressing issue was Cormac. I had no idea how I would tell him. Somehow, I couldn't see him taking the news well. Would he help me with this or leave our baby without a father? I honestly couldn't answer that question, and it scared me. I thought I knew Cormac like the back of my hand, but I did not know this. What we had was perfect, and a baby wasn't.

All of these thoughts came crashing down at once. I didn't know what I was going to do, how I was going to deal with this, and automatically my mind went into panic mode. I started to hyperventilate. The waterfall of tears gushing out of my eyes made me blind. The sweat rolling down my body didn't cool me down from my feverish state at all. I felt like I could barely breathe, and this room was way too small -

"I'm going to have to ask you to please calm down," Madam Pomfrey said in an infuriatingly tranquil voice, sitting me back down on the bed after I tried to make a run for it. "I know this is a lot to take in, but you don't need to hurt yourself now. You have options, Miss Wooding. You don't have to do this alone."

"B-but everyone will h-hate me," I cried, running a finger over the bronze-and-blue badge on my chest. "They won't l-let me finish s-school."

Madam Pomfrey looked surprised, her eyebrows flying straight up. "Of course not! Expecting students are allowed at Hogwarts until a week prior to their due date. You're about six weeks along, so you should be able to finish out most of the school year and most likely your exams. That is, if you wish to continue your education." She looked down at my Head Girl badge. "Hogwarts staff has no reason to take that away from you, either - nor do they have permission to be rude to you because of the state you're in. That is a direct violation of school policy, and I must ask that you come to me or Professor Dumbledore at once if that is to happen."

I decided right away that I would stay at Hogwarts; I had to finish my education, child or no child. Of course, the other students might make it a terrible experience. I sent an angry glance towards my stomach. I wasn't so stupid that I hadn't expected this before I came to get checked up on by Madam Pomfrey; the vomiting, exhaustion, and missed period had all pointed me in this direction. I had hoped so badly it wasn't true, however, and now my worst nightmare was here with me, invading my world.

"I can't…I c-can't have a b-baby. I c-can't raise one right n-now…" I stuttered at her in response.

"That's something you don't have to decide on right now, my dear." The nurse patted my leg. "In the meantime, I'm going to create a nutrition chart for you. And it would probably be a good idea to order a book to explain what is going on in your body right now…"

I wasn't listening.

"…I can pull the father out of class right now, if he goes to school here," she finished, finally catching my attention. My head jerked up.

"Please. His name is C-Cormac McLaggen and he's in…Charms, I think."

She bustled off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. When she came back a few minutes later with my boyfriend in tow, I nearly lost it. He looked confused as he sat down next me. Madam Pomfrey went into her office to give us some privacy as I dropped the bomb.

"I'm having our baby, Cormac."

He stopped running his hands through his straw-colored hair and looked at me with a pair of wide green eyes. For once, he had nothing to say.

"I'm six weeks pregnant… I don't know what we're going to do with it," I said, and still he was speechless. I wished he would hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright, but he didn't. My sense of fear was increasing; this was not going well. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" I asked.

Finally, he responded with, "Not anyone?"

"Well, I guess you can tell one person you really trust if you want to, but I don't want it all over the place."

I should have made it clear by _'one person you really trust' _I didn't mean that prat Zacharias Smith. By the next day, everyone in school knew I was pregnant with Cormac's baby.

And thus, my trip through Hell began.


	2. Two: Rumor Report

**Chapter Two - Rumor Report**

"Maybe there's some kind of spell that can wake her up. Does anyone have any ideas?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I wouldn't take my chances, seeing as she's pr---"

"You can't just go around casting spells on people! Susan, please wake up; you're going to miss breakfast."

Sleep was blissful. Sleep left me unaware. I forgot when I was asleep; I didn't have to think, didn't have to worry. When I opened my eyes, I almost jumped a foot in the air. Six fellow Ravenclaws, some in my year, some younger, were circled around my bed, staring down at me in different levels of worry. One I recognized as Padma Patil, living up to her status as Prefect by trying to shoo everyone away. "There's nothing to see here, you all! Get to breakfast, now."

None of the girls moved. For a moment, I forgot who I was, before I flung myself out of bed and raced down the steps leading to the girl's dormitory. I made it to the lavatory just in time, seconds before last night's dinner came back up. My audience followed and watched me, silent as I rinsed out the sink. I felt terribly uncomfortable; what were they all looking at?

"So it's true, then?" a Fourth Year had the guts to ask. "You're having Cormac McLaggen's baby, are you?"

"Missy, you're not supposed to say it to her face!"

In the minute that had passed ever since I'd jumped out of bed, I'd still been half asleep, and now the events of yesterday all came at once. Oh, no! How could I have forgotten about the…the _thing _that was preparing to royally screw me over? I had hoped so badly it was just a dream, but apparently not. I really was pregnant. People like me didn't get pregnant. The thought seemed ridiculous.

I still couldn't get used to it. It was just awful. I wanted to run screaming down the corridors, but that would give people even more to talk about.

How did these girls know, anyway? I'd only told Cormac. He wouldn't sink that low, would he? Maybe he would. When I told him of the baby, I felt like I was talking to a stranger; he was less than pleased, and had left the infirmary with silence and a furious expression.

"Of course not," I replied.

They all left for breakfast after a while, leaving me to get dressed for the day when all I wanted to do was flop myself back into bed and sleep. As I slid on my glasses, I thought about what I was going to do now. I couldn't decide on whether or not I wanted to go to breakfast; how many other people knew about the baby? I'd probably be attacked with questions if I went. Plus, I still felt a little sick to my stomach, but I was absolutely starving at the same time. I decided to go; I'd just have to shove food down my throat as fast as I could and try to avoid people. The corridors were empty, with everyone either eating or preparing for class.

When I reached the Great Hall, I almost turned around and went back to my dormitory, but I trudged forward bravely. Of course, not everyone stopped talking, but when I walked in, there was a prominent silence. It was impossible not to notice the people pointing at me and whispering behind their hands. I briefly scaled the room for Cormac, but he was nowhere in sight. I didn't really want to talk to him anyway.

It felt like everyone knew my secret. They were all staring at my stomach, like they expected to see me turn into a balloon at any second. I was incredibly self-conscious as I sat down at the end of the Ravenclaw table, alone. I didn't want to face my friends now. I just wanted to eat and get out of here.

Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson were laughing at me from the Slytherin table, Pansy imitating a pregnant, clueless-looking woman. She acted like she was rocking an infant back and forth in her arms before she said something dumb and dropped the imaginary baby. I cast my eyes downward and nibbled on a piece of toast. Normally I would have gone over there and said something, but that was the last thing I wanted to do today. A body slid onto the bench next to me and I looked up to see the face of Katie Bell.

Katie and I went way back. We'd been inseparable since first year, and I practically lived at her house during the holidays. We were always together, supporting the other one if they happened to get themselves in a sticky situation.

I thought she was my best friend, but, as I soon found out, I was wrong.

"You wouldn't believe what I heard Romilda Vane say about you today!" she exclaimed. "She was running her fat mouth in the common room about how you're having Cormac's baby. I told her to shut her trap, but apparently she's been spreading that rumor all over school, because people have been asking me about it all morning. What a load of sh---"

"It's true," I whispered, as I was very aware of the people listening in on our conversation, but they heard anyway and leaned in closer towards me. "I found out yesterday. I'm six weeks along."

"Ha ha ha! That's a good joke, Suzer," replied Katie, using the nickname I'd had since I was a baby. "Anyway, as I was saying…"

"I'm not joking! I'm serious! Why on earth would I make this up?"

She just looked at me, scanning my face for any lies. Slowly it dawned on her, and her expression was horrified. "What have you _done_?"

"I don't know," I said, watching the mail owls fly in, trying to look anywhere but at Katie. She was making me feel like an idiot.

"You don't know? That much is obvious. Actually, I wouldn't say you know much of anything, seeing as you were dumb enough to get yourself in this situation. How are you going to support it? How will you get a job? Do you honestly think Cormac will stay with you? Because if so, I hope you're ready to be heartbroken." A Great Horned Owl landed on my plate, a small package and some parchment tied to his leg, and began to ravage my cup of water, sending droplets flying all over the place. "I can't believe you. I'm so disappointed…I - I can't do this."

She stood and turned towards the Gryffindor table. I hesitated for half a second, being showered with water, and followed her, stopping her in her tracks right before she sat down. "What are you doing, Katie? What do you mean, _you _can't do this? That's rich, really rich. You're not the one who has to…" I gestured towards my stomach. "I'm not asking for a miracle. All I want is for you to be here for me. Like friends do." My voice had raised significantly, and more people were staring than ever.

"I'm not your friend," Katie stated, and left me standing there in tears, wondering what, exactly, had just happened.

I went back to the Ravenclaw table and packed my stuff up as fast as I possibly could. The owl on my plate held out his leg in my direction, and I took the package and letter off before I bolted out of the Great Hall. After a while, I came across a familiar tapestry and slid behind it, into the hidden corridor that pretty much everyone used as a spot for their romantic rendezvous. I sat down and buried my head in my hands.

I hated this. I was sure I wasn't the only non-virgin in school; why, then, did it have to be me who had to go through this? Who had to get fat, and cry all the time, and be laughed at, and have all sorts of other horrible things happen? It wasn't fair. I did not want this thing inside of me, and neither did Cormac. Maybe I needed to talk to Madam Pomfrey about adoption…There was no point in me raising this if I wouldn't love it like someone else was.

And what was Katie's problem?

I sat there for a long time, feeling sorry for myself. I considered not going to class for the day; what was another screw-up? When I thought about it, however, I knew that would be stupid. I stood, determined; nothing, even a baby, could stop me from doing what I needed to get done.

The day just got worse. People seemed to have quite a fascination with my stomach. Some of them said hurtful words right to my face; most whispered behind me in class, "accidentally" just loud enough for me to hear. I ran into Cormac in Dense Against the Dark Arts, the only class I had with him. It wasn't like anyone was stupid enough to talk in Professor Snape's class, but it still hurt when I noticed his blatant disregard of my existence.

I ate alone for the entire day, finishing up my assignments during my free period, and retired to the library after lunch. Katie didn't have the patience to listen to my pleas, and I didn't have the patience to keep trying after the first failed attempt. When I finished dinner, I just wanted to go to sleep (even though it was just seven o' clock) and I wasn't even allowed that luxury when Professor McGonagall called me up to her office.

She looked down at me through the pair of spectacles perched on her nose. I always felt a bit unnerved around her; it was like she could see right through me. "Miss Wooding, Madam Pomfrey has alerted all of your teachers of your…situation."

Oh, now that was just great. I could only imagine the scene; the shocked gasps, the disbelieving murmurs as they came to the conclusion that their perfect little student wasn't so perfect after all. They probably all thought of me as trash now.

"If you wish to continue your education here at Hogwarts, you are allowed to do so. Madam Pomfrey has discussed your options with your professors, and if there is anything that may endanger the health of your…child - such as fumes in Potions class or species in Care of Magical Creatures or Herbology - you will do bookwork for the class on that day."

When I left her office, I was even angrier than I'd been when I'd entered it. Sure, the health of the baby mattered, but my education was important, too. How would I get anywhere without hands-on experience? Especially in Care of Magical Creatures; that really upset me. I'd always wanted to pursue a career as a Magical Creature Specialist - the equivalent of what Muggles would call a "veterplanarian" or whatever that silly word happened to be - and I would barely learn anything I didn't already know by looking at diagrams in a book.

As I dragged my exhausted feet up countless flights of stairs, with my bed in mind, I felt like crying, as I had been ever since I'd woken up. I kicked at an empty ink bottle and watched it shatter. This was officially the worst day of my life…so far.

This baby was already ruining everything I'd worked for, and I was only halfway through my first trimester. How was I going to survive if it just kept getting worse?


	3. Three: Saturday in Hogsmeade

Thanks for reviewing, everyone! Hope you like this chapter better than I do, haha.

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**Chapter Three - Saturday in Hogsmeade**

_Suzer,_

_Greetings from a faraway land! You'll have to forgive me for not writing in the past eon. I've been so busy helping our dearest Gred and Forge with the shop that I barely have time for myself any more. You really ought to visit it sometime. Perhaps over the Christmas holidays. I may have some discounts up my sleeve for you, but don't tell anyone!_

_How is seventh year treating you so far? I really hope you're not freaking out over your grades. Don't worry about them; everyone is at a failing point in at least a few of their classes once or more in seventh year. It's hard, but I think you can do it. Is Katie good? Are you still arseing around with McLaggen? He's mad as a bag of ferrets, I'm telling you. I don't know how you can stand to be with someone who has such an enormous head._

_Do you remember meeting my sister Naomi a few years back? Well, she and her two daughters moved in a week ago. Someone totally destroyed their house. I think Death Eaters did it, but Naomi hates it when I talk like that. At least you and I know the truth. I wish she'd stop trying to deny what's right in front of her face, but I guess nobody wants to believe that…yeah. What Harry Potter said. I don't think I need to go into detail about that._

_Also, that package contains some Puking Pastilles. The orange pieces make you vomit enough to leave class, and the purple ones make you better. Just in time for the school year, don't you think? Not that you're going to use them, Head Girl! Congratulations on that, by the way. I always knew you were too much of a goody two-shoes to not get that badge._

_Write back soon, alright?_

_-Lee_

_Dear Lee,_

_I was wondering where you'd run off to! It's okay, I understand. I'm so excited for you and the dynamic duo. Are you so sure it was a good idea to send the Head Girl some Puking Pastilles, though? Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products are banned at Hogwarts. Oh, well. I suppose I won't tell anyone as long as I'm getting discounts! However, I must agree…I don't think I'll be using them either, but probably for a different reason than you're thinking of._

_Seventh year is not very difficult so far, but it's steadily getting harder. I usually do my assignments during the evening, so I have all the time in the world during free period. Would you believe me if I told you Professor Snape finally got that Defense Against the Dark Arts post he's wanted for the past…I don't know, billion years? It's true! He says a lot of frightening things in his class, and he has the most horrible pictures on the walls. The Potions teacher is some man named Slughorn. Apparently he was a professor here way back in the day._

_I think Katie is doing fine, but we're not really friends anymore. As for Cormac, yes, I suppose we're still together, but I'm not positive, seeing as we haven't spoken in a week._

_I remember Naomi! Tell her I said hello. It's a shame that happened, but at least everyone is alright. _

_However, I would rather not talk about…things that are going on in our world…over mail. Actually, I have a lot of explaining to do, as you can see. I have some very big news to tell you, but I would prefer to say it face-to-face. There's a Hogsmeade trip on the seventeenth. Do you think you can meet me in The Three Broomsticks at half past one?_

_-Suzer_

"…and apple cider for the lady."

A hand came out of nowhere and placed a tall glass on the wooden table in front of me. Lee Jordan sat beside me, dreadlocks sticking up in wild directions, wearing a shirt that was much too big for him. He grinned at me. "Is apple cider still your favorite drink? I wasn't sure, but Butterbeer probably isn't good for you right now, you know. Not that I know anything about anything…No, you keep your Sickles! It's on me."

I brought my hand back into my pocket and deposited the two silver coins in there, not surprised in the least. Lee was always very generous.

A few weeks had passed since I'd found out about the baby; I was now officially two months pregnant, which meant that the baby had graduated from an embryo to a fetus. I still didn't like the fact that I was expecting, but slowly, I was getting used to it. I had no other choice. The morning sickness, the constant need to eat and sleep, and the knowledge that an alive something was in my stomach were all part of my daily routine.

That didn't make it any easier, however. Though Madam Pomfrey constantly assured me that I had seven months to decide, I still had no idea if I was going to keep the baby or give it to someone else. I didn't want to do this, especially alone; I hadn't been able to talk to Cormac ever since I found out about the baby. I told myself he was busy practicing for Quidditch team tryouts, but I wasn't stupid and I wasn't fooling anyone, especially myself. He wanted nothing to do with me or this baby, but I wanted to give him a second chance. It had to be hard on him, too.

If I said it enough, I could almost believe it.

Katie and I still were angry with each other, and it was only in her absence that I realized how very little friends I had at Hogwarts. It wasn't because I was rude to anyone; I'd just never been much of a social butterfly. With no Katie and no Cormac, I spent all of my time alone. Miserable did not even begin to cover it. I needed support now more than ever, and I had none.

People were beginning to get over the scandal of me being pregnant, but the hateful words did not cease. The girls at school made me feel like dirt. I tried to put on a strong face, and I did…during the day. At night, the thoughts came to me in waves. Maybe what they were saying was true; maybe the calls of 'Get out of my way, slag!' and other terrible things were deserved. After so many nights of crying myself to sleep, I was amazed there were any tears left in my eyes.

The better news was that now, for the first time in two months, I was visiting with my good friend, Lee Jordan. I was almost as close with him as I had been with Katie. We'd become friends when I was in my fourth year, he in his fifth. He was great friends with Fred and George Weasley, and the five of us (if one was to include the occasional Katie) spent almost all of our time together. After he'd graduated last year, he'd even moved into a cottage near Diagon Alley to help out with their new joke shop. I really appreciated having them in my life. They always made me laugh, and knew just the right things to say to cheer me up - a bit like Lee was doing now, as we sat in The Three Broomsticks on a rainy Saturday afternoon.

"Well, think of it this way," he said, waving around his mug of Butterbeer enthusiastically. "At least he or she won't come out looking like a freak. Oh, wait, did I say freak? I meant Pansy Parkinson. Oh well, it's the same thing."

"Lee! That's awful!" I scolded, though I wasn't so fond of Pansy myself. She and a few of her Slytherin friends, including Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini, were making a ruckus at a nearby table.

"I know she is, after all she's been saying about you. You don't need to pay any attention to her. She's wrong on so many levels; you aren't a lesser person just because you're pregnant." Lee reached out to pat my hand reassuringly, covering it in sticky Butterbeer. It was a friendly gesture, but of course I heard a few of the Slytherin girls say it was something more in a far less pleasant way. "Actually, it's very special to be like you are now. That dope McLaggen doesn't know anything - and neither does Katie. If they did, they would realize that being there for you is what you really need right now. But don't worry - you know I've got your back, no matter what you do."

I thought about what he said, and tears of joy filled my eyes as he smiled. The movement felt foreign on my face. Though I was uncomfortable with the words he said about Cormac, it was good to know that I had at least one friend left in the world. "Thanks, Lee."

He waved his hand at me dismissively. "Oh, don't worry about it." We sat in silence, him gulping down his Butterbeer while I sipped tentatively at my apple cider. I looked around, feeling eyes on the back of my head, and was surprised to see Draco Malfoy staring at me. I could tell he didn't really see me, however; his mind was elsewhere. In fact, he was so distracted that when he stood up to leave, he didn't realize he knocked over his full mug of Butterbeer onto the floor. His friends exchanged glances before they stood and followed him out of the Three Broomsticks.

Seeing the mess he'd left bothered me; I was very neat by nature and I hated to see someone take such sloppy actions. I pulled my wand out of my pocket to clean it up, seeing as no one else seemed to have noticed, but the charm running through my head did nothing. I panicked; what was wrong with my wand? I looked at it, trying not to start freaking out, and watched in bewilderment as it turned into a rubber chicken and began an Irish step dance routine.

I laughed. For the first time in weeks, I laughed, and it felt incredible.

"Seven sickles at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes," Lee announced.

As it usually happened when I was around Lee, I wished I could give him something back - something nice that he'd really appreciate and be surprised by. He was so kind to me. I tried to do all that I could to be as much of a friend to him as he was to me, but I sometimes worried that I wasn't good enough. I didn't do everything right like he did, but at least I listened.

After Lee and I finished our drinks, we trudged through the pouring rain and arrived in Hogsmeade's book store with our shoes covered in mud. The shelves towered far above my head precariously, looking as if they would tip over at any second. The walking space in the rows was narrow; I could barely fit my way through. It was empty in here, save for the cashier, who was talking on a Muggle felly-tone, and a hassled-looking mother with two small children. I couldn't help but stare as she tried to get them to quiet down without success.

Would that be me, one day seven months from now? One of the children was begging for a thin book that had a drawing of a hippogriff on the front cover, but the mother just looked upset as she turned it over. "Sorry, honey. I'm four Sickles short. It'll have to wait for another time."

I couldn't just stand there and not do anything with the knowledge that I could help her, so I walked over to her. She looked up at me, looking at first annoyed and then confused. "Oh, hello," the mother said. "Are we in your way?"

"No, not at all. That's a good book," I replied, nodding towards the paperback her son was holding, having recognized it from my childhood. I pulled four Sickles out of my pocket. "I hope he likes it." The expression of joy that spread across their faces had me smiling as well when Lee and I left the store. I'd bought two books: the first, _Your Guide to the Wild Ride of Pregnancy_. I got the feeling I would need it; even if I didn't keep this baby for myself, I knew it was important to know what was going on with it. The second one I'd been wanting ever since it was released a few weeks prior, called _You Should Really Take the Time to Read This Book if You Want to Be a Great Magizoologist. _I knew it would help me out in Care of Magical Creatures class and my possible future career, and anyway, I just liked to read.

The rain was still coming down hard, but I felt good about my life in that particular moment. For once, I was…happy. I wasn't so very alone; I had Lee. At least he would offer a helping hand through this pregnancy, and that was all I really wanted from him. As we ran through the rain, me laughing at Lee when a river of water slid off of a roof and splashed all over his head, I was blissfully unaware of the events occurring at that moment in time, events that would change my life forever.

A nervous pair of silver eyes watched me from a window, the owner pulling his platinum blonde hair away from his face. Miles away, Bellatrix Lestrange broke down a front door and pulled out her wand.


	4. Four: Tales of a Murtlap Essence

A/N: Thanks for the support, everyone! I warn you, this chapter is kind of gross, so you should probably skip the sixth-eighth paragraphs if you have a weak stomach.

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**Chapter Four - Tales of a Murtlap Essence**

On Monday, I felt even worse than usual when morning sickness came around, so I had to miss the first class of my day, which was Potions. Thankfully, Professor Slughorn said that he was teaching the sixth and seventh years the same lesson for the day, so during my free period, I went down to the dungeons.

"Susan Wooding! So good to see you! I trust you feel better now, yes?" Professor Slughorn practically yelled in my ear as I walked through the thick wooden doors. People were unpacking their things, but most stopped to point at me and whisper. "Today, we will be making Essence of Murtlap. Don't worry, I already checked with Madam Pomfrey and she said it's quite alright for you to be around," he said to me in a lower voice. I nodded, staring at a crack in the ceiling. "Why don't you sit down right over here?"

I took his advice and placed myself in the seat he was pointing to, putting my things down on the floor next to me. As I was still half-asleep, it took me a moment to realize who I was sitting at the table with, and I immediately wanted to move. Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Theodore Nott, and Blaise Zabini were all staring at me like I was a bum from off of the street. Of course, now it was too late; Professor Slughorn had already commanded that we get started on our assignment. I began to grind up a dragon claw, trying to not think about who I was sitting with. I found it to be impossible, however, when Draco Malfoy said loudly to Blaise, "What is that godawful stench? Oh, that's right; it must be the pile of worthless rubbish and her disgusting unborn brat next to me."

Tears burned in my eyes and I stared down at the table, red flushing across my cheeks, as his Slytherin pals laughed. While I had heard worse, it was still hard to believe that he was saying that about _me, _just because I slept with Cormac. I wished so badly that I could go back in time and not make this mistake again. This was pathetic; I was supposed to be the all-powerful Head Girl, and yet people like this were getting to me.

For the next thirty minutes, I worked in silence, trying to not hear the jabs in my direction. My supplies kept mysteriously falling off of the table; whenever I lifted my head again after picking them up, something was different about my potion and Pansy snorted obnoxiously. Was my Murtlap Essence supposed to be changing from green to various shades of blue? I thought it was supposed to be yellow at this point. And oh, God, why did it smell so awful? The stench was making me feel nauseated again. I peered into my cauldron and saw Doxy wings floating around in there, which I didn't remember ever handling. Something was seriously wrong here.

My quill fell to the floor yet again, and as I was straightening myself back up, I saw the reason why my potion was so weird and Pansy was laughing: Draco Malfoy was throwing a black beetle into my cauldron. Everyone else at the table was in hysterics, but I didn't think it was funny at all and apparently, neither did Draco; he just stared at me with enormous eyes when I caught him. I wanted to give him detention, to yell, to do something - anything - but the putrid odor wafting from my cauldron blinded my senses, and suddenly all I could see was that beetle, legs detached from its lifeless body --

I stood up and promptly vomited all over Draco Malfoy.

There was a sudden, pronounced silence in the classroom as Draco and I looked at each other with horrified looks. Then the laughter and sounds of disgust began. Someone kept saying my name, but I did nothing other than burst into tears and run out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me. I went up, up the stairs, as far away from the dungeons as I could get, and finally ran into the bathroom on the third floor. Of course, due to my luck, I ran right into Professor Sprout.

"Oh my G-God, I'm so sorry, P-Professor!" I exclaimed, my words turning into blubbering nonsense as I tried to apologize. I was still crying just as hard as I had been when I'd left the Potions classroom, and I really needed to blow my nose. My skin was practically green, I was feeling so sick, and my hair and clothes were a mess. I was quite a sorry sight, and Professor Sprout took on an expression of pity.

"Oh, no, it's fine. Are you alright, dear? Did something happen?"

I shook my head, thinking, in that moment, that I had never felt this humiliated in my whole life. Why did she have to see me at my worst?

"You know, whatever it was, you can tell me about it," said Professor Sprout, putting a hand on my arm. "I promise I won't judge you."

"Just…something in Potions…it's no big d-deal, Professor."

I could tell she wasn't buying it. "Alright. Would you like to go lay down in your dormitory for the rest of the day?"

I considered it for about half a second, and shook my head again. I would have to make up so much work if I did! "No, I think I'll be fine," I said, slightly calmer now. But as soon as she left, I broke down. Nobody would ever forget what had just happened; I was sure of it. When I was done crying, I rinsed off my face and waited in the bathroom until the next class began.

That was the first, and possibly the worst, of my encounters with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

Gryffindor Quidditch team tryouts were held later that day. I wasn't really interested in Quidditch, but it meant a lot to Cormac, and he meant a lot to me, so I decided to go and watch. There were so many people that they would have to continue into the next day, but most of them were just awful players. They were all making fools out of themselves. While I came from a Pureblood family, I was not good at the sport in the least, and I would have never broadcasted myself the way these students were.

I wasn't sure when Cormac's tryout was, and as the hours passed, I grew more and more anxious; I had some assignments I really needed to work on, and if I was going to stay here all evening, I would get nothing done. Thankfully, it didn't take very long for the Keepers to come up. It was still light outside, in fact, when I noticed Cormac striding purposefully towards his broom.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw him. Even from the stands, I could still make out his features: the brunette hair framing his face perfectly, the confident look plastered across his face, the muscles beneath his Quidditch robes. He looked so very in his element. Actually, he looked perfect, and I got the strangest urge to pounce on him. I blushed at the thought, as it was so unlike myself to imagine such a thing. But ever since I'd gotten pregnant, nothing about me was normal anymore.

As I watched Cormac rise to the goalposts on his broom, I felt that everything between us was _right, _even though neither of us were happy about the pregnancy and hadn't spoken more than a "Hello" in passing for two weeks. Things were going to work out. I just knew it.

Hormones can turn a person into an idiot, as I'd already learned. Too bad I didn't think of it that way at that particular moment in time.

As Cormac blocked the first four throws that came at him, a group of Gryffindor girls screamed their heads off, one of them waving a sign around wildly. A wave of jealousy hit me whenever I heard them; didn't they know I was his girlfriend (wasn't I?) Who were they to act like they were his number-one fans? I found myself shaking, and I didn't know why. I wanted to go down there and knock every one of their ditzy little heads around. How _dare _they?

I blinked as I tried to put an end to such terrible thoughts. I wasn't a violent person. I never wanted to harm or humiliate anyone. What was getting into me? Sure, I was an emotional rollercoaster, but that was no excuse. These girls were doing nothing wrong, and I was being just ridiculous.

As Ginny Weasley came at Cormac with the Quaffle for the fifth time, Hermione Granger, who I was sitting next to, whispered something under her breath that I couldn't make out. Cormac swerved in the completely wrong direction, missing the Quaffle by several feet. The crowd roared. Ronald Weasley was now the Keeper for Gryffindor.

_No! _Cormac was now yelling at Harry Potter, Terry Boot struggling to pull him away, as I ran down the ramp that led up to the stands and towards his direction. I stopped when I reached the bottom; everyone around Cormac looked really angry, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to get involved right now. He finally left and stomped away. I caught him right before he entered the changing rooms, and his livid face didn't change at all when he saw that it was me.

"Did you see that?" he bellowed, and I flinched. "That was ridiculous! That piece of shit Weasley and his good-for-nothing sister totally cheated! I said we need a rematch without her, because you saw her cheat, didn't you, but Potter is such a prat! I swear, I'm going to---"

"Cormac," I said, placing a hand on his arm. I was pleased that he was talking to me, but as close with Fred and George as I was, I didn't like what he was saying about the Weasleys. "Please, calm down. You do deserve a rematch, but you did excellent. I'm so proud of you." And indeed, it was true. He had done so well, and I was still amazed that Ron beat him. How exactly had that happened, again?

He ranted for about ten more minutes, and then he looked down at me as if noticing that I was there for the first time. It was quiet. The changing rooms were secluded, away from the hustle and bustle of the field, and my mouth was abruptly dry with nothing to say. Cormac placed a hand on my cheek, running his thumb over the skin there, and said, ruining the moment, "I heard you threw up on Draco Malfoy today. That's pretty badass."

I flushed. Why did he have to bring that up just as I was forgetting about it? "Where did you hear that?"

"Zacharias."

"Oh." Again, there was an awkward silence, and I blindly searched through my head for anything to say to strike up a conversation. The first thing that came to mind was the developing being inside of me, and without thinking at all I blurted out, "Are you going to tell your parents about the pregnancy?"

"I don't know. Do you know what they would do to me?"

I didn't, but I could imagine. The McLaggens were all about looking perfect, and such a young son with a pregnant girlfriend - before marriage, no less - would leave a serious dent on their record. I thought about Mrs. McLaggen and frowned. She'd never liked me much, but she'd begun to loathe me even more after something that occurred later in the summer. But Cormac didn't know about that and didn't need to.

"My parents," I said, "are going to kill me. Will you be there with me when I tell them?" I pictured my poor, unsuspecting family back home. I hoped they wouldn't hate me forever for what I'd done. This Christmas break was going to be an interesting one, that was for sure…

"I don't know," Cormac stated again. "I think I might have plans. I could be busy."

"Too busy for this? Come on, Cormac. Please?" He said nothing, and after a long time, I said, partly because I meant it and partly because it was a last-ditch attempt to persuade him, "I love you." I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned against his body. He replied by brushing his lips against mine - not the response I'd wanted, but at least he would touch me. Again, I thought that things were alright, and again, I was wrong.

We headed into the castle and towards the Great Hall, Cormac stumbling all over the steps as he once again complained about the unfairness of the tryouts and how much Harry Potter got on his nerves. After dinner, he seemed to have cheered up a bit and was giving me a play-by-play of the throws he did block. We were walking around the seventh floor, on our way to a shortcut, when we passed by Draco Malfoy. I turned red, Draco looked disgusted, and Cormac just about had steam coming out of his ears.

"I heard you were messing with my girlfriend, Malfoy. Don't do it again if you know what's good for you."

Draco raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to retaliate, but I interrupted him with, "Cut it out, you two, or I'll have to give you both detention."

"Like you have any authority over me, whore," Draco said.

And then Cormac attacked him.


	5. Five: Nighttime Chats With Loony

Author's Notes: Hey, readers! I am so, so sorry that I haven't updated in…well, forever! I've been super busy, but I'm sure you don't want to hear my excuses. Anyway, I hope you like this (kind of a filler) chapter and I assure you that the next one will take less time to post than this one! Also, I didn't know if there are showers in the dorm bathrooms, but I was re-reading OotP the other day and I saw that there are showers in the Quidditch locker rooms, so I went ahead and stuck them in there.

* * *

**Chapter Five - Nighttime Chats With Loony**

"No! Cormac! Stop it! _What are you doing?!_"

It didn't surprise me that Cormac leapt on Draco with fists rather than his wand; he'd always been the type to do so. I knew this because I'd broken up two fights involving him over the summer, and he hadn't used magic once during either. My only guess was that he found it to be more satisfying and an easier way to let out his anger, but why did he never realize that violence wasn't the answer?

Everything seemed to be happening very fast; Cormac's bunched hand landed squarely in the middle of Draco's stomach, and Draco recoiled immediately. My mind, on the other hand, seemed to be processing everything in slow motion; I was trying to pull out my wand, but it kept sliding out from between my sweaty fingers. There was a lot of yelling coming from between the boys, full of rude words and swears, and I couldn't think, couldn't do anything other than shout at them to stop.

Apparently my shrieks had caught the attention of several others; students were coming out of nowhere to see the fight unfolding. They crowded around, cheering at the top of their lungs. From somewhere amidst the sea of students came a louder, more authoritative voice, and Cormac was suddenly a foot away from Draco, struggling but apparently unable to move towards him.

"Would you care to explain what was going through your thick skill just now, Mr. McLaggen?" Professor Snape sneered, and my heart dropped; any punishment Cormac would face would be even worse if he was involved. "Come to my office right now. All of you. Yes, that includes you, Miss Wooding," he said as I tried to walk in the other direction without being noticed.

Professor Snape cleared a path in the crowd, both hands gripping tightly onto Draco and Cormac, which left me to straggle behind and try unsuccessfully to push my way through the whispering throng. There were so many people, and none of them would let me through. As I attempted to plow my way out, Millicent Bulstrode slammed my shoulder so hard with her own that I could feel the muscle protest, making me picture the huge bruise that would surely be there in the morning in disgust.

I had to jog a little to catch up with the offending party and Professor Snape when I finally got out of the people and down the steps to the sixth floor. I held onto Cormac. "You're going to get in so much trouble," I cried in what I thought was a quiet voice.

"Keep your mouth shut, Miss Wooding. Nobody would like to hear you whine."

I was silent for the rest of the seemingly endless trip, shot down by Professor Snape's words.

When we reached the classroom, I was, as usual, distracted by the terrible pictures of death, destruction, and violence on the walls. I stared at a man with bite marks all over his face and blood dripping from his forehead and shuddered. It occurred to me that I hated this room, like I hated so many other things these days.

When had I become so resentful?

"Miss Wooding, if you would pay attention," Professor Snape said, and I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him. "Tell me exactly what happened in the corridor between Draco Malfoy and Cormac McLaggen tonight. No, do not try and sugar-coat your little…boyfriend's part in the story, either."

How did he always know everything, and why did he have to pick on people so much? It was hardly fair. I'd always behaved in his classes. He had no reason to be so foul. "Well," I said, taking a deep breath, and I briefly glanced at Cormac, who was standing to the left of me. He stroked the small of my back with his fingers for a short moment, and I felt myself relax against his touch. "We - Cormac and I were walking - and then Draco referred to me as a…uh…rude word, and--"

"Why did he feel compelled to do so?"

"Cormac told him to -- okay, let me start from the beginning. Today, I didn't go to Potions because I was feeling unwell, so I went to class with the sixth years to make up what I'd missed. Whenever I wasn't looking, Draco would put random ingredients into my potion. It smelled bad, so I -- er -- got sick on him…Anyway, like I said, Cormac and I were walking around, and the three of us all ran into each other. Cormac was mad about the Potions thing, so he told Draco to stay away from me --"

"Dammit!" Cormac whispered, sinking into a chair, and I automatically felt guilty. But at the same time, I could get into a lot of trouble if I didn't tell the truth.

"--so I said if they didn't stop, I'd give them detention. Draco said I had no right to because I was a…W-H-O-R-E…and they started fighting."

Professor Snape stared at me from atop his nose for a long, long time. Finally, he said, "Go directly to your dormitory and nowhere else."

"Yes, sir."

I tripped over my shoes as I left, and was panting by the time I reached the top of the stairs. Things that were once so easy had become extremely difficult and tiring. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like when I actually had a belly to lug around. When I got into the common room, one or two people looked my way and began to gossip, but I doubted that word of the fight had gotten around yet.

It was still before eight o'clock, so most of the students were out and about, which meant I had the entire bathroom all to myself. I undressed quickly and stepped into the shower, jumping a bit when the scorching hot water hit my skin. But it felt good; it felt like it was rinsing away all of the various problems I'd run into today. I was in the shower for a long time, about an hour, making my hair into a faux mohawk with the shampoo and scrubbing at my face a trillion times. When I got out and slipped into a pair of sweatpants and my bathrobe, I felt new, clean, and warm. The feeling didn't last very long.

By now, most people were coming into the tower, but as it was still before curfew for fifth through seventh years, my dorm was mostly empty. I snuggled under the many covers on my bed and cracked open _Your Guide to the Wild Ride of Pregnancy. _Today marked the middle of my tenth week, so I read each word of the according chapter, feeling, as I always did whenever I thought about the pregnancy, really strange.

_During your tenth week of pregnancy, your baby weighs five grams and now has very detailed features on his or her face…The baby's eyelids are opening and closing, and ears are beginning to form…with medical assistance, you can even hear their heartbeat…_

As an avid reader, it didn't take me long to finish the chapter at all, and afterwards I stared at the canopy of my bed and thought about the bit about hearing the fetus's heartbeat. Madam Pomfrey probably knew how to do all that…and if not, she could refer me to someone who did. Did I really want to hear it, though? When I read or thought about this whole situation, it felt like it was happening to someone else. Most mothers would immediately go to a medic to listen, but I wasn't most mothers. Hearing the sound of the baby's life would make the alien being seem all too real.

I worked on my various assignments for a while, and by the time I decided to stop (all I had left was a Transfiguration essay that wasn't due for a week anyway), it was late and everyone else's lamps were off. I was the only one awake now, a situation I found myself in more and more lately. I'd gotten into a schedule where I'd nap immediately after dinner, which kept me awake too late afterwards. But I'd had a long day, starting with the Potions disaster and ending with this fight. I was exhausted.

I blew out the flame of my lamp and closed my eyes. And, of course, due to my luck, sleep did not come. I tried counting sheep, imagining fields with yellow flowers and blue skies, but none of it worked. Though I was so tired I felt like I could sleep forever, I couldn't do anything but stay awake.

The fight replayed again and again in my head, and I involuntarily let out a frustrated groan. Cormac was going to get into so much trouble; he'd be lucky if he wasn't expelled. He really needed to stop coming to false conclusions and trying to "fix" them without thinking anything through. I'd tried more than once to get him to control his anger, but it never worked. He couldn't ever be calm and rational, and he would have to face the consequences. I felt so embarrassed for him. He had a way of getting into things he shouldn't - like he was a magnet for trouble.

After about a thousand years (or so it felt like) of me getting more and more upset from the fact that I couldn't fall asleep, it occurred to me that I had to "go." Knowing I would never get any peace in this kind of situation, I shoved my glasses onto my face and stumbled towards the bathroom. And then, after I was done, I looked at my reflection in the full-body mirror and sighed.

I didn't really like what I saw.

My face was extraordinarily average; I had large hazel eyes and a nose that was a bit too narrow on top of lips that were a bit too full. My hair was an insane jungle of thousands and thousands of wild strawberry-blonde ringlets that fell almost down to my waist; in a strange occurrence, though, it wasn't pulled up into pigtails on each side of my head like normal. It might have been a childish hairstyle, but that was just how I always wore it - except for tonight. My thick, black-rimmed glasses sat on the bridge of my nose, which hosted a mass of freckles.

Then there was my body. At 5'10", I supposed I was tall; I was exactly four inches shorter than Cormac, anyway. Even before the pregnancy, I'd always been a little "top heavy," but now my chest had gone up several sizes and even with stretching charms my bras were struggling. I'd gotten a lot of comments and looks of distaste from the other girls about my chest, and all of them seemed to think I was sticking toilet tissue down my shirt. That made no sense; did they not realize this was a natural part of pregnancy?

Speaking of changes going on due to the baby, my stomach was not really showing yet. But I had noticed the smallest of differences in my abdomen. It was hard to explain, and I probably only saw them because I knew my body so well, but I knew, somehow, that my stomach was not quite as flat as it used to be. I wasn't sure if that was from all of the elaborate meals I'd been eating in the past few months or the fetus, though.

Very tentatively I reached with both hands towards my stomach, wanting to see if I could _feel _a change too, then stopped and let my arms drop to my sides. That was a stupid thought.

I knew I still wouldn't be able to get to sleep, so I crept into the dorm room as quietly as I could and grabbed my copy of _You Should Really Take the Time to Read This Book if You Want to Be a Great Magizoologist. _I thought I heard someone say my name and almost jumped out of my skin, but it was just Cho Chang mumbling in her sleep. I went into the common room and sat on a sofa near the fireplace, basking in the sudden warmth as I opened the book.

_Jarvey - XXX_

_The Jarvey is a medium-sized creature that looks like the Muggle pet called a ferret. It is able to talk; however, it enjoys to argue and swear --_

"Oh, you bought that book too? It's wonderful, isn't it? I personally think that it is much more informative than _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. _I especially liked the pages on the Yeti."

I jumped again, startled, and looked up. Loony - no, Luna - Lovegood was gazing at me from behind a brilliant, psychedelic pair of glasses, perched in an armchair, magazine between her hands. She smiled slightly when I saw her. "Oh, gosh, Luna, you scared me. Why are you in here? Why are you up so late?"

"For the same reason you are, I suppose." I just looked at her. "I'm not very tired, and a girl in my dormitory snores terribly loudly."

"Well - sure - I guess you could say that. I couldn't sleep, either. How long have you been down here?" It felt so weird to be talking to Luna Lovegood, but even weirder to be speaking with a girl who wasn't shooting me dirty looks. I could barely remember the last time that had happened.

"About an hour. I find it to be very relaxing, and I sometimes fall asleep in this chair. I come down here every night, actually, and it's very nice, but the Ferveneruos are somewhat distracting at times."

"The Fer…what?" I asked, confused. I'd never heard the word before.

"Ferveneruos. They're little insects that dance in fire. They're very pretty, but they talk a bit too much."

The word still was unfamiliar, and I doubted such creatures existed, but Luna could choose to believe whatever she wanted. There was silence for a moment, in which I considered Luna Lovegood, and I wondered if she thought the same terrible things about me that so many other girls did. I wanted to think that she didn't; if anyone, she was a person to understand what it was like to be judged. I'd seen and heard people make fun of her before, but she seemed so above it all, so…carefree. I wished I could be like her.

Me, wishing I could be like Luna Lovegood? What a crazy thing to think, but it was true, at least a little bit. I wanted to not care.

It was this train of thought that caused me to open my mouth once more and ask, "So, Luna, you take Care of Magical Creatures, right? I love that class." It was perhaps the boldest thing I'd done in weeks, but it was late and I was tired, and Luna was smiling, and it seemed like the only thing that I knew was that she wasn't angry at me for talking to her. This was a good thing.

And it was that night that started a rock-solid friendship, the beginning of a bond that was unbreakable, a duo like no other. While Luna and I discussed magical creatures late into the night, I felt so different. I felt so very _liked. _For those hours, as the sky grew black and the world was silent around us, I didn't worry about the baby, or Cormac, or Katie, or anyone. All that mattered was that I was having an interesting conversation with someone who enjoyed talking to me, someone who didn't curse or send me nasty looks or repeatedly point out the fact that I was pregnant.

I found a friend in Luna Lovegood that night, and it was the best thing to happen to me in what felt like forever.

Maybe I didn't have to avoid conversation with others. Maybe I didn't have to be hated by everyone.

Maybe I didn't have to be alone.


End file.
